Hot Diggity Dog

  No pain pills for two whole days. Healing is taking place! My thumb healed first. I can bend it and wiggle and pull my britches up and down. That got me thinking .... When I was a lowly student nurse in the early 70's, I encountered a doctor in the ER who liked to cut toes out on his patients with ingrown toenails. Wait, I misrepresented his technique; he literally yanked them out. He loved an audience and would happily invite the student nurses to watch. He would seek out the instructors to send us there. There were two classes going on and healthy supply of students to horrify. The patient would be waiting in complete dread. I don't know if they had experience or just word of mouth from other patients having had this procedure. He would enter in a rush and grab the offending toe and wrap a rubberband as tight as possible around the base of the toe. His tray of sterile instruments would have already been set up. This is when the instruments were not disposable. They were gat...

  "Hey'', I said to the man in his recliner next to me "when I tell you that I had already told you something, you do believe me, don't you?" I wonder about the strangest things, I've been told. It was The Man who told me so. Can't help it, I am naturally curious. And highly intelligent .... that is what my mother said about my sister and me. I am no genius, but I read a lot and that curiosity makes me ask questions. I retain that knowledge and pull it from the depths sometimes in an effort to explain things to The Man. I also am good at paying attention to my surroundings, not a trait The Man shares with me. So, I wonder and ask absurd questions. His answer to the question, by the way, was "No, maybe sometimes." Encouraged to continue with a titillating conversation, I asked, "Can you tell when I am lying? Not that I am. I did tell you most of the things you ask me about two or more times." He thought about it, like I knew he woul...

  I had only one pain pill yesterday. Good thing, too because I only have 4 pills in the bottle now! It is almost like that surgeon knows his stuff. Trying to avoid that needle aspiration, I have been very inactive. But life goes on, you know, things need to get done. The kitchen remains my biggest nightmare. The Man is not detail oriented. He does the dishes but leaves the drains and sinks nasty. I am beginning to think he is wiping the counter with sugar water. They are sticky and look gross. If only I could wring out a sponge or dishcloth with my big sausage fingers .... Yesterday I decided that the sheets on my bed needed to be changed. I approached The Man as he sat in his recliner staring at his phone. "Do you think you could put sheets on our bed? Since I have pulled the dirty sheets off, it has to be done, and I am unable to manage it without two hands." He was eager to please and went into our bedroom to take charge of the situation.  He told me that he could handle ...

  I presented myself at the appointed time, thinking I was about to see my new scar and get the stitches snipped out. As I waited, I fantasized about all the things I would be able to do soon. I was even looking forward to doing dishes and giving my kitchen a good cleaning. Mostly I was looking forward to a shower without having a giant glove taped to my hand. I would be able to wash my hair with two hands! Simple things make me happy. The nurse cut the bandage away and revealed the top of my hand where an ugly sideways "V" was stitched together. My hand was a weird shade of purple and blue, and it was still swollen under the stitches. It looked like the cyst was still in place! The surgeon said it looked good, making me question his ability to see. Then he proceeded to palpate the bubble of swollen tissue and opine that it was filled with my blood. I wanted to swat his hand away because he was causing the shooting pain that had plagued me for 9 months. Then he rendered his v...

  I am happy to report that I am actually wearing clothes today! I have been living in nightgowns for the past week. Never, in my wildest dreams did I think I would be drowning in so much pain. The amount of pain pills should have been a clue. The surgery went well, according to what the surgeon told The Man waiting for my release. He said the cyst was only the size of a quarter. This makes me wonder how something so small can cause my hand and fingers to hurt so much. My right arm is bruised almost to my elbow and my thumb and first four fingers are still blue and now turning yellow at the edges. So, remember that I seemed to be on a quest to injure my toe as many times as I could before submitting my hand to be cut open. The laceration from the food processor hitting my foot has healed. No thanks to me dropping that shelf on the previous injury .... but wait, it gets better. During the night the toe began throbbing and was hot to the touch. No, this can't be a gout attack. Or thi...

  The laceration on my foot was healing nicely. The pain was almost gone, and I was feeling good when I hiked up my driveway to play in the shed. But first I wanted to address the voids in my garden. I planted some tall grasses last year and not all of them made it. I had a gap to fill.  I really wanted to go buy some shrubs that would grow rather tall. But I was not going on a shopping spree. So, I dug a clump of day lilies up and split it into five good sized plants that I planted in the spots left after I removed the dead plants. I am glad I did this first since the rest of my day went straight to hell. I moved everything to install the cutting table. The Man arrived with my table and we began the installation. As is usual when working with him, things did not go smoothly. For whatever reason, he has a problem accepting advice from me and pretends to not understand what I am talking about. This irritates me and makes me want to smack the back of his head. I don't, because I...