Raccoon Nation

 I am not sure what kept me awake last night, the breathing noises from my husband or the constant visits from the raccoon.

At this time, we know there are at least two raccoons who think they have found a smorgasbord of dining pleasure in the form of two types of dog food and cat food. I saw them both quite clearly the night they kept tripping the alarm of the Ring camera that is attached to the railing of the steps leading to our door. One is very large and has dark face with lighter fur contrast. The other is smaller with less defined facial features. I assume the drab one is female and the more distinguished looking one is the male. That is nature's way.

The alarm sounded from the phone of my sleeping partner and we both got up to see if we could see them a few nights ago. My husband tapped banged on the glass of the sliding door that protected us from the night creatures. The bigger one made a dash for the opening in the screen door he had made earlier. He was fast as he scurried up the door to hit the spot he had opened above the door handle.

Me, being the more subtle one simply flipped the light on. We could hear the partner of the flashy guy that he left behind. Correction, I could hear and had no intention of putting myself in harm's way on the other side of the glass. The deaf man pulled the door opened and was about to venture out onto the porch, when he saw her heading towards him. 

It has been some time since I saw my husband move so fast! He jumped back and slammed the door back in place. I bet I could have heard his pounding heart if I had not been laughing so hard! I was still intent on the animal and got a good look at her face. You know, so I could help a sketch artist render a likeness for the wanted signs and illustrations that would be shared among law enforcement to capture and identify her.

Back to bed we went, knowing that we could do nothing to prevent them from returning while we slept. The next day we had a long discussion on preventative measures. His idea? A new door and I was left with the task of pricing them online while he took himself out for breakfast. I scrolled around as I sipped my hot coffee and yawned. If I had to get a new door, I wanted a true storm door with glass that could be raised or lowered to let air in via the screen. The current one is perfectly fine and works well, so I considered a replacement glass window. It cost more than a new door!

I am not married to the current door and think it to be, well, ugly. Not at the top of my want list, I would rather continue with it until we complete the transformation that will surely be coming now that he is measuring and scratching his head. Unlike my husband I can think ahead. So, I suggested putting chicken wire over the screen. They had it at Walmart for $6. A practical, if not very attractive solution.

My idea was met with his disapproval, "They can get through the holes!" I stared at the man in incredulity. How? Well, the holes are too big. I cannot imagine what picture formed in his mind at the word "chicken wire". Still, he protested all the way to the hardware store. Upon presenting him with the small roll of chicken wire he decided it might just work.

The wire was only 24" wide and the screened area to cover was 30" wide. This baffled the man. I would question his cognitive abilities, but for the fact that he has always been this way. I took the roll and turned it to show him how to cut and install the wire. It lest a 6" gap at the top and I told him to just cut a piece or overlap it. H was appalled at my suggestion and decided it would look tacky. Like any amount of chicken wire on the screen door would NOT look tacky.

It DOES look tacky, but it works! Would work even better if he would also apply it to the outside of the door, thus protecting the now torn screen from Mr. and Mrs. Raccoon. It has not stopped our new friends from appearing nightly to test it. They have the screen pretty much mangled, but they still can't get past the wire. Last night the mister of the two tried many times to figure out this new addition and how to breach it. 

I got up and was reading blogs when I heard my visitor again. I went to the door and turned on the porch light. He was unfazed as he sat atop a deck post close to the door and made eye contact with me through the screen. He is not happy and now he knows who I am! 

Will he be taking his description of me to the Raccoon Police Department? Will the plain lady Raccoon with artistic talent form a sketch of me to distribute among the raccoon population on this side of the mountain? Will they find me in a garden and arrest me for depriving their Raccoon Nation of nutrition? Time will tell ......