The Tongue Chewer

 The alarm went off at 6 am this morning and I dutifully got myself up, took the dogs out and hopped in the shower. Longing for that first hit of hot coffee that I can feel travel down my esophagus and into my stomach. No caffeine for 24 hours prior to the procedure, so no coffee for me. I had coffee yesterday morning at 7:30, but I am scheduled for 8 am. Still, I worried that I may have swallowed caffeine a few minutes after 8. I am a rule follower!

The receptionist at the cardiologist is a strange one. I doubt anyone would have ever described her as friendly. Back in the day, the receptionist in a doctor's office seemed to be there to prevent anyone from entering the exam area. You would not see the doctor unless you passed her scrutiny. This woman is younger than me, but she could have fit right in.

She checked me in last week. I told her I had an appointment for 11am and she promptly informed me that the appointment was for 10:45am. They always tell you to arrive 15 minutes early and I usually do. It was 10:47 when she so snidely said this to me, prompting me to reply that I had just made it, but the appointment reminder they texted me said my appointment was at 11. I was all set to grab my phone and show her when she simply turned her back to me.

She has a habit of chewing her tongue. Not just the edge of her tongue. Her mouth open, she slips as much of her tongue as she can under her molars and goes to town on it. Like a child who will not be denied that simple pleasure of sucking a thumb. She will even talk with that tongue under her teeth. One cannot help but notice it. 

This morning, I presented my decaffeinated self at 7:30, a full 30 minutes early. My chauffeur insisted on leaving as early as we did. If I thought to impress her, I failed. I had watched her report to work and knew she had just arrived about 5 minutes before I approached the check-in desk. There are two windows and hers was the only one occupied. I announce my name and appointment time, and she just stared at me, like a deer in the headlights. A full two minutes passed as we stared at each other. I finally broke the staring contest and offered to take a seat while she got herself together. Maybe she needed to chew her tongue in silence to get her day started. She told me to go to the other window.

My snarky self wanted to reply, "Oh, the window that is unoccupied?". Remember, no coffee for me this morning. The person who usually makes appointments for follow-ups and has a window that opens into the exam area looked over at me and told me that I was checked in. She had heard the exchange. She is a very sweet person, and I usually see her as I leave for follow-up instructions. Unfortunately, she appears to suffer from alopecia, and has more scalp shining every time I go.

Having presented myself in a timely fashion, I sent my chauffeur off to feed himself, since the instructions warned that it might take as long as two hours. My name was called, and I unfolded myself from the chair and hobbled to the open door. I should have known better that to tuck one leg under me!

Technical problems with the equipment prevented me from having the procedure today. They have to replace the mother board. I had to reschedule for Thursday afternoon. Good thing for my chauffeur, since he loathes early morning appointments. Meanwhile, the Holter monitor is driving me batty. It itches insanely where the tape meets my skin. I wake in the night scratching at the tape. The skin around it is red and hot to the touch.

The dogs were happy to see us back so soon. I just glanced over at BoJangles, curled up on the couch, sleeping. I think I shall join him in a nap!