Bad To Badder

 The bad day got worse as it continued into day 2.

I was having a small meltdown, feeling like crap, aching all over as we drove to the doctor's office. The meltdown began at home. I had gotten myself up at 7 and took the canines out. I felt so bad that I went back to bed, lifting that fat dachshund into bed with me. At 9:30, when they wanted to go pee again, I asked the sleeping man beside me to deal with them. I swear to you on Eddie's life that the man LOOKED me in the eye and said "okay".

I waited patiently to feel the bed move indicating he was getting up. No such motion came. Eddie was doing a low annoying whine and Bo was at the foot of the bed on the floor, leaping into the air in order to see me and let me know he needed to go outside. Poor, dumb Toni was content to watch before going to the other room and peeing a lake onto the floor. She totally missed the pee pad.

I got up. I wasn't careful or quiet; I was mad as a wet hen. Do wet hens get mad? I don't know. I continued to be loud as I washed the dishes and put stuff away. I did not feel like doing anything, much less take care of any chores. The sleeping man crept out from his lair and asked what was wrong with me ........

So, I unloaded on him. All the grievances I had filed away for a better day came flying out of my mouth. I was so mad at him, I started crying. He just calmly let me vent and said that he did things for me all the time. When I asked for an example, I knew he would not be able to cite one thing that was intelligent. He chose to say he took the trash to the dump. 

I wanted to hurt him physically, so I took myself to another room. I really tried to calm myself, but I could not seem to accomplish that. I knew I was being somewhat unreasonable, but there was a truth in there. He always says to simply tell him what kind of help I need and he will do it. Being of the opinion that a grown man should see what needs doing and simply do it. I get annoyed about that, but I did ask and did not receive help. He says he didn't hear me, and I suggested that he might try pulling his head out of his nether regions and he might comprehend words. I am not nice when I go on a rant.

I schlepped to the kitchen drawer that holds our meds to take mine. I poured the pills into my hand to pick out the nightly meds, put them back in the pill holder and swallow the ones left in my palm. Just like usual. Knowing I could not have coffee because of the stress test, and only enough water to swallow just made me madder. I looked closely at that handful of pills and decided that it did not look right. 

I stared at them, and it suddenly came to me that my crazy pills were not among the others in my hand. Should have been obvious, since it is three capsules that are not small. My memory came flying back to the day I filled 30 days of meds awhile back. I only had enough crazy pills for 20 days. No big problem here, I ordered them and then forgot to put them in the 10 containers. I filled the 20 empty ones and totally forgot that 10 that needed crazy pills. My excuse was that I was getting everything ready for the trip south for Thanksgiving.

Now I was mad at myself and had to apologize to the lazy man with a hearing defect, though it galled me to do so. I took inventory of the situation in the box and realized I had missed five days of the crazy pills. This is not good. I realized I was having symptoms of withdrawal. I did this one other time, years ago. You would think I would have been cognizant of all the signs. The main one that sticks in my mind being the sound of chains dragging across gravel that happened if I moved my head too fast. I even remember having that sensation 2 days earlier.

So, I was not able to stop my eyes from leaking tears and went on to the appointment with no make-up and only a brush to my hair that needs cutting. I knew I looked rough and was hoping the tongue chewing receptionist would snipe at me so I could snipe back. She was busy on the phone with another patient that she failed to be patient with. Such a shame, since everyone else in that practice is so very nice.

A nicer receptionist helped me and informed me that I was a day early. I stepped back and let the chauffeur handle my faux pas. It was better for all concerned that I did that. I was already caffeine deprived and now learned that I would remain that way for another 24 hours.