The Man is not a Chef
While I am aware that men are great chefs, this does not mean that ALL men can cook. The Man is among those who shouldn't even try. Yesterday was long and painful. It was raining when I woke. I conducted the daily business of taking care of the animals, letting them out, then back in and feeding them. I was not happy to see that The Man had failed to diaper Toni Louise, and she had left several lake sized puddles to navigate.
Not her fault. Why he didn't tell me that he had failed in an attempt to get the diaper on her is a mystery that will never be solved. He said she wouldn't "let" him and then hid under the bed. It is not my fault that he failed to assert his dominance and now finds that the animals tend to make him do what they want.
So, the day did not start well. My body was aching and my head hurt. I cleaned up the mess and then informed the canines that I was going back to bed. Bo and Eddie dutifully followed along. Kevin decided it would be fun to wrestle with Bo in my bed. A good thump to his little head disavowed him of that plan. He is still learning the rules here. I slept until 10. Felt worse when I got up the second time. I felt tired all day long and even attempted a nap later in the day.
The Man saw something on u-tube that intrigued his taste buds, and I was informed that he was going to prepare our dinner. He showed me the reel that caught his attention. It was a glorified taco wrapped in a flour tortilla and then in a corn tortilla and then in a bigger flour tortilla folded around the entire thing. My stomach was thinking soup, but, hey, if I don't have to cook it ....
Off he went to the grocery to gather all the ingredients. As is his usual habit he bought the larger sizes of all the components, plus a bunch of condiments his mind thought would be great added to his feast. Processed cheeses in jars, some chipotle aioli (??) and a fresh tomato and lettuce. I heard him bustle around my tiny kitchen. I could smell the ground beef cooking, but I did not hear any water running that would indicate he washed the few dirty dishes or was cleaning up as he went.
He presented me with a plate that looked nothing like his picture. But who cares what it looks like as long as it tastes good, right?
Remember when you were young and decided to surprise your parents with breakfast in bed? This remined me of that. He had folded that big tortilla into ... geez, I am at a loss for words. Anyway, he put it in the pan, but not long enough to seal the edges. Thank goodness he brought a fork with it. The meat was barely warm, and the cheese had not melted. That was the best part. The taste? Oh my, it was not appetizing. I asked what he seasoned the meat with ....
He said he forgot to get taco seasoning (there was a couple of packages in the pantry), so he substituted another he thought sounded good. Old Bay Seasoning. I said, "Gee, you shouldn't have, we have taco seasoning in the pantry and on the spice shelf, clearly labeled. Why didn't you ask me?" He didn't want to bother me.
Suffice it to say I opted to skip that meal. So, you are all thinking I am being a little picky? I challenge you to eat it and tell me I am picky! It gets worse, though. I had already diapered Toni and was in bed with Bo, Eddie and the cat, Kevin. Kevin and I were chatting about the purpose of the bed (sleep) and the proper etiquette required to sleep in my bed with my rules. I heard The Man bumbling around in the kitchen, then he came to bed and I disappeared into sleep.
What I heard was him tossing all that food he made into the garbage. Problem was that he did not close the lid to the trashcan tightly. Toni Louise had herself a feast of Old Bay burger and filled her diaper in a non-liquid form. My early morning activities were, um, difficult. In case you are wondering, he did not clean up the kitchen. It awaits my attention after I finish this and my coffee.
Today's lecture will be about responsibility. Like whom is responsible for the mess one makes. This will be the time when I see his hand creep up to his ear to lower the volume in his hearing aid. Like that will stop me from venting! Sadly, the coffee is down to the last drop and the kitchen is beckoning. Good thing I feel better today!
Why men don't get that if you see something that needs to be done, do it is beyond me. A friend had a sign in his studio that was a list of things like...if you open it, close it; if you take it out, put it back; if you spill it, clean it up; if you turn it on, turn it off; etc. I forget what all. My husband says we're out of 'item'. Ok, I say, put it on the list. Unsaid is don't tell me so I will put it on the list. We rinse our plates clean and put them in the dishwasher. I was using the sink so he put his plate on the counter and went to use the bathroom. I waited, the plate was in my way, he started brushing his teeth, I rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher. He comes in, I was coming back to do that. Took too long I told him. Several days later, he is using the sink, I put my plate on the counter and went to use the bathroom, came back, he's sitting down, my dirty plate is still on the counter.
ReplyDeleteAt least Toni Louise enjoyed herself! I can't imagine anyone thinking "Old Bay" is a product that goes with tacos. Unless it's your man. Not mine, because he wouldn't even attempt cooking for himself, and especially not for me. Unless the refrigerator was stocked with bratwursts and hot dogs, and the weather was warm enough for grilling.
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